Fourth

19 years old, tight budget, 200 miles from home but I am doing just fine. When I have my semester break, I would be at home. Actually I CHOOSE to be at home rather than going out.

This post is just about me missing my primary school so much. There are a lot of memories that I still keep in my heart. MOST IMPORTANTLY!!!! I miss my friends :( Things have changed when we entered high school. We parted ways, and for some, we never talked to each other again anymore. Until now, I haven't had the chance to apologize to some people who deserve my apologies. I am terribly sorry to them. One day for sure, I will gather my courage, reach out to them and apologize. I am not ready to face them now, I guess. I hope they don't remember how bad of a person I was, but if they do, then I can only say sorry(although I know it's not enough).

I think it's very irresponsible to hurt people and then escape, hoping that they will forgive us as time passes by. For me it doesn't work that way. I remember every single thing that people did to me, and carry it within my heart. But I do forgive them though. So there goes my overthinking, what if the people I've hurt before are just like me? I don't want to keep them scarring because of me, that's the worst.

I was a rebel kid, with very quick temper. I used to get angry easily, without any reason sometimes. I would curse on people. I was very attached to my friends that I thought nobody could ever hurt them, so if people hurt my friends, I would get really angry and curse them and fight with them(when it wasn't even related to me). Thinking about it now, yes it was very immature and stupid.

2012 was my turning point. I started to change myself. I reflected on myself a lot because I was lonely. I guess loneliness helps you change. That's how I changed. When you reflect on yourself, you will start to blame yourself instead of other people. It wouldn't have become that way if you had not acted so, and so on. Yeah I drifted away from people, was on my own trying to figure out life. I was very young to be that stressed and sad honestly. I'm glad that it was just a phase. After that, I became a new person, the person I am now. People hurt me, but I hurt people too. Life is fair, God is fair.

Since 2012, I tried my best to avoid people (but of course I couldn't avoid people from school). So how did I live? Secretly and quietly. I blocked people on twitter, so that nobody would see what I tweet. Who was on my twitter? My internet friends, only my internet friends. I met them through a common interest; ukiss. They were my friends. Apart from that I also have close friends from my class(but not to the point where I would let them know my twitter account). I lived that way until 2014, hiding from people. I didn't even care about people I swear. My instagram was only active starting 2014.

That was then, and now I am all good. Of course I have problems too, but now that I am becoming an adult, I must know how to handle it. There are times when I feel depressed, and again, I would separate myself from people to reflect. It works for me. But constant depression and overthinking exhausts me you know. I really want to approach people, to be honest. But I'm just afraid that people would hate me, so I stopped trying to appear friendly to people.